5 Gundam Guys,4 SPEDs,& a Partrige in a Pear Tree
by SPEDs
Summary: Four easily amused SPEDs spend a week with the pilots at Relena's beach house.... *YAOI*
1. PART I ~ Prologue

Disclaimer: We do not own Gundam Wing, or anything associated with them (or anything else except for our cardboard box, and this trusty laptop, which we exchanged on the black market in exchange for a wombat toenail. We don't even own the socket that we plugged the laptop in, oh shit! The homeowner has retur- we must go! Quickly, to the Angel Mobile(cardboard box)!). We do, however, own the rights to the stories we concoct. And, being the creative and enlightened authors that we are, reserve the right to abuse all characters in our stories as we see fit, or at least to the fullest extent of the law. And no, this has nothing to do with Christmas.  
  
**PART I**

Prologue  
  
Damn mutual friends.... Tamen thought as she glared at the nappy haired wonder sitting across from her on the train. Her blue nails flexed in a motion of mock strangulation, but she remained calm. The other girls however, were just as displeased as she.  
  
The child of nappiness, May, grinned stupidly as she watched the landscape whizz by. She touched her greasy hair (the others cringed) and gripped it tightly, waving it about like a piece of dilapidated roadkill. " Do you think my hair is nappy?"  
  
"Nooooo...." The other four girls muttered in unison, just a little too quickly.  
  
Tamen turned up her headset. She was bored, and watching the trampy ball-room type May flaunt by was nauseating. She turned back to her half finished sketch, and chewed on her pencil tip diligently. What to draw, what to draw. She pulled a stray blue hair back behind her ear, as she was struck with inspiration, and launched into a full drawing of a surreal landscape.... dotted with the remains of nappy hair around the outline of nuclear crater. Very uplifting.  
  
Ashley just sort of stay there, muttering degrading insults under her breath. Nothing much could be picked up, except occasional "oonores" and "baka...baka baka." She was the one who had been stupid enough not to bring a stitch of entertainment on the train.  
  
Allison munched on a bag of chips, not caring how many artery clogging calories went into her system. She never seemed to gain an ounce, despite her notorious appetite, which had granted her the nick name of "the bottomless pit".  
  
Kelly tapped away furiously on her Game Boy, quietly grunting "Gotta catch 'em all... Gotta catch 'em all..." as she topped her high score on Pokemon Pinball. She smiled psychotically as she stuffed it back into her back-pack.  
  
Most everyone had been rather quiet as the trip had progressed.... a fact that made Ashley, rather unnerved, exclaimed: " Does ANYONE want an Altiod?"  
  
Three girls lunged like wolves at the peppermint dotted tin. As May reached cautiously into towards the object of mintiness, it slammed shut like a rat trap.  
  
Four pairs of eyes glared back at her. She slowly backed away, knowing that wild animals can be dangerous if provoked. That seemed to apply to this situation.  
  
The train pulled to a stop. Sanqtuary Beach homes.  
  
"Sick. Sick sick sick..." Tamen murmured as she read the sign. People. Scary people.  
  
"Now who did you say would be sharing this house with us?" May chirped, as she handed the key to the golf cart to Allison.  
  
"Five people. Now stop asking. Don't talk to me. The only reason we came was because we were the only ones gullible enough to believe that you would keep your distance." Kelly barked.  
  
Allison climbed into the conveniently placed golf cart. A sign above it read in bright bold letters: NO CARS PAST THIS POINT.  
  
"Oh bugger, and I left my Ferrari in the garage." Tamen said with an air of sarcasm.  
  
"You have a Ferrari?" Ashley asked naively.  
  
Tamen said nothing, but reached for an aspirin. It would be a long three weeks.  
  
After being supplied with the vital map of the development, The girls all crammed into the single cart that they were allotted, with a bit of discomfort.  
  
"Looky!" Kelly chortled, " You can stand on the bumper and still get a ride!"  
  
"Oooo let me try!" May yelled. She leapt up on to the rusting cart as Allison floored it. She fell off and tumbled into a thicket. The only sound was a muffled "OOF" and various "Owwies".  
  
"Woo ee! Watch it Allison! You're pushing fifteen!"  
  
The arrived at the beach house, and watched as it towered above them.  
  
"Ooooooooooo...." The all managed to say, awe-struck. It was a cream color, with ruddy shudders, and stretched three stories high, with a series of balconies extending even higher than the tip of the roof. The entrance was littered with marble blocks buried half into the earth to form an elegant presentation of steps, that interlocked, forming a walkway.  
  
They grabbed their bags, and hauled them up to the door. Kelly turned the doorknob, but before she could push it open, it flew back, revealing a boy of 18 with sloppy brown hair holding a gun.  
  
" Who are you, and what do you want?" He said holding the gun in an aggressive fashion. Kelly smacked his hand away from the gun. It fell to the ground with a threatening boom, the bullet narrowly missing Allison's leg. She didn't even flinch, retaining her lazy, if not near comatose conduct.  
  
"I'm Kelly. That's Ashley laughing hysterically over there, Tamen is shaking her head, and Allison is.... asleep on her feet. Allison, wake up." Kelly poked her comrade with a nearby stick. She merely moved her arm and grunted in response, choosing not to waste anymore energy that necessary. " You should see what happens when I push her down the stairs!" Kelly said, revealing her huge maniacal smile. Allison opened an eye and slowly backed away.  
  
"I am Heero Yuy. You must be the ones that ... Ms. Peacecraft invited to stay for awhile."  
  
"No, not really." Ashley commented. "That would be May. She fell off the golf cart."  
  
"We had a little... accident." Kelly said, still retaining her slightly crazed posture.  
  
"Can we come in?" Tamen asked sweetly.  
  
Heero "Hmphed" and moved away from the door, stooping to collect his gun.  
  
Kelly lead the pack, as they tromped into one of the living rooms, toting their bags.


	2. PART I ~ Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
  
"What time is it?" Ashley asked, a tone of innocence echoing through her voice, up to her childlike expression.  
  
"Uh... three fifty seven." Heero said, glancing at his watch (which doubled as a detonator if he was really running low on resources).  
  
Ashley dropped the act, and set her sights on the nearest television set. "Move it, dammit. Sailor Moon is on!" She made a b-line for the couch, shoved a sleeping Wufei aside. She stopped in mid shove. "What the....? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ITS HEAD???? ITS NASTY AND GREASY!!!" The sound of her voice seemed to resonate over many miles. She grabbed a lamp that was resting upon a doily-covered TV table. Wufei blinked his dark eyes in a startled manner. As his eyes focused, the blurry shape of Ashley with the table side lamp raised over her head came into view. His eyes opened wide, as he rolled off the couch.  
  
"IT'S ALIVE! Kelly! I need back-up! Bring out the rubber gloves and the sedatives! Croiky! This one needs a bath!" She explained in Steve Erwin-esque dialogue. "Tamen, that can be YOUR job!"  
  
Tamen looked at her watch. Only ten more minutes before the painkillers would kick in. She could do it. She could make it... she tried to tell herself, at least.  
  
"Where is my room?" She asked. Another figure popped out from behind a randomly placed piece of furniture. A long braid swung over the arm of the chair. Wufei leapt over the couch, and made a dive behind the chair.  
  
"Maxwell, hide me!"  
  
"Wu-man is being scared by a girl!"  
  
"That's not a- well, maybe it is. But all I saw was a lamp!"  
  
"Whatchu talking about, Wu-man?"  
  
"Don't call me Wu-man!"  
  
However the threat was temporarily postponed as the redundant theme song of Sailor moon began to sound throughout the first floor. A smile of peace and serenity spread across Ashley's face, as she settled onto the couch.  
  
Duo began to speak, but Ashley swiveled around, looking demonically possessed. In an inhuman voice, Ash rasped out "No speaking, creature. Sailor moon graces us with her presence."  
  
Six anime-style sweat drops appeared around the room, as the others slunk into the other room, leaving Ashley to her passion.  
  
"Don't worry. In another half-hour, Kelly will be the same way. Dragonball will be on." Tamen explained habitually. "Now... where are we staying? I have art supplies to unpack."  
  
Duo, who was twitching out of fear, pointed quietly to a set of stairs winding up all the way to the balconies. " Third floor. You have it all to yourselves."  
  
"Yay!" Tamen exclaimed. She quickly quieted herself, nearly able to feel Ashley's red hot glares through solid wall. She slid up the stairs at an easy pace, with Kelly dragging Allison behind her without a second thought.  
  
It didn't take them more than fifteen minutes to unpack into their individual room, as Tamen set up her temporary "studio". Kelly's watch beeped, and she ran down to join Ashley on the couch for the next portion of Toonami. As Tamen stood up from connecting her laptop to a scanner, she heard Ashley wandering aimlessly though the halls.  
  
"Where's my room?"  
  
"Up here Ash!" Tamen yelled, leaning over the railing. Ashley look up in bewilderment. "Oooo stairs...."  
  
She threw her assortment of bags over her shoulder and made her way up the several flights of stairs.  
  
As dinner neared, Heero reached into the freezer for some microwave meals. Kelly grabbed his wrist. He jumped back.  
  
"WE can cook! No need for that!" She said, smiling sweetly.  
  
Ashley, who was doing a Sailor Moon word search at the kitchen table darted over the phone. "I'm calling for pizza!" Kelly grabbed Heero's gun and shot the phone. Ashley whined, "Kelly! I needed that!"  
  
"I SAID WE CAN COOK!"  
  
"But you said it, you know all I can make is muffins!"  
  
"Tamen can make.... stuff."  
  
Tamen walked by the kitchen as Kelly stated this. She looked up from her sketchpad. " What are you committing me to?"  
  
"You can cook, cantcha Tamen?"  
  
"... I can make lasagna... and..." Ashley continued, counting off on her fingers. She was ignored.  
  
"A few things." Tamen responded.  
  
"muffins... but especially...."  
  
"See? Toldja she can cook!"  
  
"...hot pockets!" Ashley finished. "Just stick it in the microwave for 4:20, and you're good to go."  
  
Tamen and Kelly sighed. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Weren't you listening?" Ashley inquired, a bit choked up.  
  
"Um... sure." Tamen said, slightly embarrassed.  
  
"No." Kelly said bluntly. She pushed Heero out of the kitchen. "Don't worry. Come dinner time, we'll have something!"  
  
Three hours later, everyone was fairly famished, except for Allison, who had helped herself to just about anything in the pantry. Tamen had finally shut her in a closet with several bags of potato chips. There were content munchings coming from it for many minutes.  
  
When everyone was seated around the long table, rather impatiently, the door swung open, banging carelessly on its hinges. Lo and behold, Ashley appeared, brandishing a plate of...  
  
"Fresh from the microwave Hot Pockets!"  
  
Everyone groaned silently.  
  
"Well, Tamen made potatoes and stuffing. We were going to have turkey, but lunch meat doesn't hold up very well in ovens. Kelly's still trying to scrape the remains off the bottom. I think she's sulking now."  
  
Tamen, with a huge sweat drop trailing behind her blonde and blue head, dropped a heaping bowl of potatoes as well as an overflowing bowl of stuffing onto the middle of the table. The Hot Pockets were laid out with care in a fan formation by Ashley, as Kelly peered out from behind the cracked open door.  
  
Allison, recently released from the confines of the closet scooped up three Hot Pockets. Two new faces appeared at the table. They introduced themselves politely as Quatre and Trowa, as Allison slurped down a Hot Pocket and burped. "Oooo! I only spilled on myself once! A new record!"  
  
Clapping came from the females in the room. "Honestly, its an accomplishment." Tamen stated truthfully. "Maybe tomorrow we can try spaghetti! Now THAT would be an event worth talking about!"  
  
"Help yourselves everyone!" Ashley said with pride. "Not you, Wufei. First, wash your nasty grimy hair. Then you may eat." As she sat down, she said just loud enough to be audible, " I'm so mean, aren't I?" With a slight smile, she grabbed a Hot Pocket.  
  
As the group began to eat, (or rather prod a Hot Pocket) there was a knock at the door. Kelly went over to the door, stood on stool, and looked out the peephole.  
  
"My Lordy. It's May! Tamen! Block the doors! Ashley! Turn out the lights! Allison! Don't bother! We're not home!" She hissed.  
  
May whacked at the doorbell a couple more times. "Oh well, must be the wrong house. Maybe I'll..." She walked away, muttering to herself, and comparing the address on a slip of paper that Relena had given her to the one on the mailbox. "Maybe its down the road... no...." She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, that she nearly tripped over the golf cart.  
  
As the girls watched her skip off, they thought simultaneously, thank GOD she's a moron.


	3. PART I ~ Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
Ashley was strategically placing her stuffed animals around her room. " This rabbit goes here... no here... dammit! why can't this be easy? Tamen! I need you to paint this room pastel pink! It doesn't match the bunny!"  
  
Tamen rushed in, a canister of paint in hand, ready for action. She went to work immediately.  
  
"This is gonna be great! Can you design me a bunny border?"  
  
"Sure, I'm almost dome with my project, so I can have it done in no time."  
  
"That crater thingy?"  
  
Duo smelled paint fumes and leapt up the stairs. "What do you think you're doing??? Relena's gonna kill you!"  
  
"I don't think so," Ashley said matter-of-factly, " it has to match the bunny! Can't you see? It all depends on the bunny!"  
  
Duo looked at Tamen, who was caught up in her work, shoving furniture away from walls, and planning borders. He sighed, and went to tap her on the shoulder, and found himself at pointe blank at the top of a canister of pastel pink paint. Too late.  
  
FWISH! Duo found his bangs plastered to his forehead by a charming and feminine shade of pink. Ashley walked over to him. " I think it's cute! Now you match Tamen! She's a kinda masculine girl, and she had blue hair in the front, and you're kinda girly boy, and now you have pink hair in the front!" She was now breaking into fits of laughter, and was sprawled out on the floor, gasping for air. " Do you see that?" She chortled, " Kelly! Get up here! We gots Bobbseys! Which one of you wants to be Bert?"  
  
"God... I'm sorry Duo." Tamen said, poking the now stiff paint that cemented Duo's bangs to his forehead.  
  
"'Sokay!" Ashley blared, " I can fix that!" She held up a large pair of scissors, and stalked towards the two. "Just hold still... it will all be over in a minute..."  
  
Tamen stood her ground, reaching into a pocket and revealing a large chocolate candy bar. "Wanna bite?"  


"No, that's quite all right, I think I'll be leaving now..." Ashley backed away. She loathed the stuff. She made a mad dash for the corner. Momentarily, a muffled "what the hell are you doing in my room?" Could be heard from Wufei.  
  
"Since you didn't wash you nasty greasy hair last night, I'm going to do it for you! I hot this water isn't too scalding hot, but at this point, I don't really give a rat's ass! Thank God I keep gloves handy!"  
  
This was followed by a thud, and the sound of the second floor bathroom door locking, and being barricaded with body products.  
  
Around noon that day, there was a ring at the doorbell. Quatre got up from his spot snuggled up next to Trowa, and opened the door. A scraggly looking May with her hair matted with brambles and grass stood, looking fatigued.  
  
"Is... this... Relena's... condo....?" She managed to whisper, as her voice cracked.  
  
Quatre nodded. "Yes... but we don't want to buy anything, thank you."  
  
May fell flat forward, onto him. Trowa gasped, and flung her off of his lover. " You okay, honey?" Quatre nodded silently. Ashley popped up from her spot on the couch, where she was downloading fan fiction onto Tamen's computer.  
  
"I heard him talk! I heard him talk! Tamen! Kelly! Al- never mind. C'mere guys! I heard it with my own ears!"  
  
Meanwhile, the others were cringing with pain as her voice seemed to rocket off the walls.  
  
Kelly burst in the room, "I think we should go to Burger King! They have DBZ toys!"  
  
"Well...... umm.... you see Kelly... I don't think that's a good idea.... remember what happened LAST TIME we went out to a fast food restaurant? The ketchup.... and the bibs.... and the running???"  
  
"oh......." a small frown appeared on her face, but it soon turned back into a smile, "Drive through? Is that May? I lost my appetite. I thought she fell into a bog."  
  
"There's only one way to get rid of her... oh WUFEI! Who wants to drag May up there?"  
  
"Somebody get the gloves!"  
  
After a lot of heaving, they finally got her up to the second floor bathroom.  
  
"Wufei? Are you in there?" Whimpering sounds could be heard.  
  
"Open the door, you have a visitor."  
  
"Mommy?"  
  
"Not quite, but possibly, knowing her."  
  
He slowly, and cautiously opened the door enough for the three girls to throw May in with him and push something in front of the door.  
  
"This cabinet oughta hold 'em" Tamen said, before her and the others went back down the stairs to get ready for the girls night out. BURGER KING.


	4. PART I ~ Chapter 3

Disclaimer: We do not own Gundam Wing, or anything associated with them (or anything else except for our cardboard box, and this trusty laptop, which we exchanged on the black market in exchange for a wombat toenail. We don't even own the socket that we plugged the laptop in, oh shit! The homeowner has retur- we must go! Quickly, to the Angel Mobile(cardboard box)!). We do, however, own the rights to the stories we concoct. And, being the creative and enlightened authors that we are, reserve the right to abuse all characters in our stories as we see fit, or at least to the fullest extent of the law. And no, this has nothing to do with Christmas.  
  
Five Gundam Guys, Four Easily Amused SPEDs, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Chapter 3  
  
As one o'clock rolled around, everyone retired to their pajamas. Allison wore her black and yellow Bowling Lanes shirt and the longest pants that Old Navy supplied. Kelly wore her hospital scrubs, that she had grown rather attached to. Tamen wore her hawaiian print pajama bottoms and blue palm tree shirt, and lastly, Ashley in her white tank top and blue penguin pants.  
  
"Usually I'd sleep in the nude, but, I figured hey, with everyone here, why chance it." Duo stated proudly. Tamen's attention slightly wavered from her sketch pad, while everyone else just backed away.  
  
Kelly was aimlessly wandering around the room, as if bored, and Ashley was busy downloading Sailor Moon media onto Tamen's laptop.  
  
Tamen stretched, "Well, I'm sleepy. Running from the authorities and all was pretty exhausting. By the way, thanks for scaring them off, Heero." Heero nearly cracked a smile, and expertly patted the butt of his rifle. Mission complete. "'Night all." She smiled breifly, yawned, and then retired to her room. Allison had fallen asleep on the linoleum in the kitchen, and was snoring.  
  
The Gundam pilots, minus Wufei (there had been little sound coming from the bathroom, which meant that one or both were seriously injured, if not dead) also marched off to their rooms, hoping to get a good nights sleep.  
  
Heero's eyes opened a crack as he felt weight on his chest. He ignored, it thinking that perhaps he was still under the influence of sleep, when he felt puffs of breath hitting his face. He opened his eyes all the way, or rather as much as he could, for that time of night, and nearly lost his cool composure.  
  
Kelly was sitting on his chest, one leg on either side, her elbows resting on the pillow, staring right into his eyes.  


"Hello!" She voiced with an hint of enthusiasm. Heero said nothing, but turned his head just enough to get a glimpse of the clock radio. 3:07. AM.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He mumbled.  
  
"I wanna go for a walk!" She grabbed his wrist and yanked him out of bed. "And besides, you were the only one who looked like if I stared at you long enough, you'd wake up!"  
Heero slumped back onto the bed. No. Please nooooo....  
  
"Come ooooonnnnn, Special Buddy Buddy," Kelly whined. She proceeded to drag him out of his room, and literally, down the stairs. She proceeded to lead him out of the house, and down to the beach. Smiling, she looked at the beach, and then at Heero.  
  
"Zzzzzz....."  
  
Saying nothing, she swung around and hurled him into the water. There was a splash, followed by a grunting. Heero sat up in the water, and received Kelly's death glare. Silently, He got up, and she led him back to the beach house. After stepping over Allison, Kelly stretched and yawned.  
  
"'Kay kay, peekaboo!!!!"  
  
"Hn"  
  
"Are you sleepy?"  
  
"Zzzzzzz....."  
  
"Hey! Get up!"  
  
He lazily made his way out off the couch and to the coffee table where he last saw his gun. He didn't find it there, but instead found it in Kelly's hands.  
  
"What does this do?" She asked, grinning.  
  
"Shit." He slowly backed away. Even if we was emotionless, he wasn't stupid. This had to be Relena's idea. Kelly gripped the gun and aimed it at various objects around the room, mocking the pulling of the trigger.  
  
The phone rang. Quatre lazily sat up in bed, feeling Trowa's grip loosen as he pulled gently away. He yawned, looking fondly at his boyfriend, and made his way down to the phone in the kitchen. It hit the fourth rang as he picked up.  
  
"Hello? This is Relena, is Heero there?"  
  
"Oh, hi Relena. This is Quatre." He looked in the living room, where Heero was inching along the wall, trying to escape from Kelly. "He's a bit.... preoccupied with one of the girls."  
  
"EXCUSE ME?"  
  
"No, not like that!!!!" Quatre said quickly, blushing.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry for calling his early, but it's about five in the afternoon here, and I didn't know when I could get a chance to call you again. I'll be there tomorrow, as soon as I can, 'kay? I'm going to meet you at the Coast Restaurant. I can't talk much longer, I'm getting some looks. Give Heero my love."  
  
Quatre took another peek into the living room, where Heero was trying to pry the gun out of Kelly's hands. The pilot was starting to sweat, as the girl gave him dirty looks and held onto the gun with a grip like a pro wrestler.  
  
"I will. Bye, Relena, see you tomorrow."  
  
As dawn broke, many in the house were still asleep. Kelly had fallen into slumber, still holding on to Heero's rifle. Heero had fallen asleep on the floor, and there was a small puddle of drool inching across the carpet as he snored.  
  
Tamen yawned, too tired to get out of bed, too awake to fall back to sleep. With a final deep breath, she managed to roll out of bed, and looked in the mirror. She ran a brush through her mangled hair until it shone, and slowly made her way down the stairs.  
  
She walked past Kelly and Heero in the living room, and into the pantry. There was not much left, after they had all "made themselves at home". Tamen grabbed a piece of bread and stuck it in the toaster. It looked like a shopping trip was in order.  
  
She made a list and set it out on the counter, for others to add to.  
  
As she leaned back in her chair, and looked out into the living room, the two sleeping forms made her grin. It would be a very interesting trip.


	5. PART I ~ Chapter 4

Disclaimer: We do not own Gundam Wing, or anything associated with them (or anything else except for our cardboard box, and this trusty laptop, which we exchanged on the black market in exchange for a wombat toenail. We don't even own the socket that we plugged the laptop in, oh shit! The homeowner has retur- we must go! Quickly, to the Angel Mobile(cardboard box)!). We do, however, own the rights to the stories we concoct. And, being the creative and enlightened authors that we are, reserve the right to abuse all characters in our stories as we see fit, or at least to the fullest extent of the law. And no, this has nothing to do with Christmas.  
  
Five Gundam Guys, Four Easily Amused SPEDs, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Chapter 4  
  
"I'm hungryyyyyy!" Kelly, Allison, and Duo whined.  
  
"We need to go shopping."  
  
"Like THAT would be successful. Lets beg Relena for money."  
  
"AND FOOD!"  
  
"When's Relena coming? I thought it wasn't till next week!"  
  
"QUATRE!!"  
  
"Oh, she called this morning. Sorry." He said, leaning back in his chair.  
  
"Oh, so we're going out to dinner or what?" Tamen asked.  
  
As the group argued over whose fault it was for the lack of food, Ashley had located what she thought to be Tamen's laptop. She flipped the top up, and loaded it. As the password screen came up, she tried the usual password. Capricorn.  
  
"Dammit Tamen! You changed your password!" I think she did this on purpose!  
  
"Omae o korosu." Heero threw into the raging argument.  
  
Ashley unconsciously typed it in. The computer launched into a plain windows format.  
A file dubbed "Dr. J" came up on the hard drive.  
  
"Wassis? A new anime? Not anymore. Delete." She looked over the boring desktop. "Tamen, why does your computer suck? You lost all my images!"  
  
Tamen was too busy kicking Wufei in the shins to hear her. Ashley proceeded to plug it into the nearest phone jack, and logged on to her web site.  
  
That afternoon, Heero went over to his computer to download his latest mission. As a flowered password box came up, he looked at it quizzically. He punched in his password, and the computer emitted a loud sound.  
  
"Sailor Moon says... hehe... see yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"  
  
Then it froze.  
  
The sound continued to pour out.  
  
"What the hell??!?!??" He whacked it. The sound stopped, and the computer shut itself down.  
  
Two hours and thirteen minutes later, Kelly stormed in the room.  
  
"Shut that damn thing off!" She snarled.  
  
"It won't let me use my password."  
  
"Gimme." Kelly typed in the first thing that came to her mind.  
  
"Fighting evil by moonlight..." the computer began to chorus.  
  
Kelly walked away as the theme song echoed through the hall. Heero stared at it with a sense of wonderment. He moved the cursor to the now vacant spot where his communication file had once resided.  
  
"This can not be good." He tried to restrain himself. He went over to the search function. As he clicked it...  
  
"Pegasus protect people's dreams! Crystal twinkle bell!"  
  
He sweat dropped.  
  
Tamen had just booted up her computer when she sensed that she was being stalked. She threw a pillow behind the couch. Ashley "umphed". She snuck up over the edge. "You changed it back to the wolf theme! I hate it when you do that! I already changed it once today!"  
  
"No you didn't. It's been like this for a full twenty four hours."  
  
"No it hasn't"  
  
"Yes, it has."  
  
"Don't be a dumbass. I changed SOMEONE'S computer! If it wasn't yours then..."  
  
"Hold it right there!" Sailor Moon's voice boomed in the other room.  
  
"Oh crud."  
  
"WHERE'S MY DAMN FILE?"  
  
"Ok, time to go back behind the couch!" Ashley whimpered.  
  
"Shut yer frickin mouth! I'm TRYING to watch Dragonball!" Kelly roared.  
  
"Oooo. I'm goin out! Cover me Tamen!"  
  
"Just as soon as you keep your hands off my damn computer."  
  
"Fine! I'll just..." As Ashley rounded the corner, she ran into Heero. "go watch Dragonball with Kelly? SHE'LL PROTECT ME! Right Kelly?"  
  
"Do you have food?"  
  
" Um.. yes?" Ashley slipped into the other room.  
  
"... er... Tamen... did you...?"  
  
"I didn't touch it. Ask Ashley." She said, her eyes never wavering from her latest project.  
On the thought of if Tamen was a real name, Heero strolled into the TV room.  
  
"Ashley?"  
  
"I didn't do it!"  
  
"Didn't do WHAT?" He glared.  
  
Ashley hid behind Kelly. "Nothing. Go back outside, we'll start over.  
  
Heero whipped out his gun. Right in front of the TV. "MOVE THE DAMN GUN. IT'S IN THE FRICKIN WAY. I can't see Dragonball. And if I can't see Dragonball, I'm NOT happy."  
  
Heero slowly backed away. He mouthed "fix it" to Ashley, and drew his finger across his throat.  
Ashley got very uncomfortable and got up to fix Heero's laptop.  
  
"We need to go shopping," Tamen says. "We're going to a very expensive restaurant and we need to look good, and we can charge it to Relena."  
  
"Okay," everybody said in unison.  
  
Everybody entered the garage and got into one of the two cars that Relena provided for them. Allison, Heero, and Duo all piled into the navy blue, soft top Hummer with Kelly driving. Allison called shotgun. Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre, got into the ice blue MPV, with Tamen driving and Ashley in the front.  
  
"Great. I'm stuck with the make out boys, Mr. Greasy, and Ms. Talkative. it's gonna be a long ride." Tamen grumbled.  
  
When they all finally got to the mall it was 6:00, and they all had to meet Relena at 7:30. First, they headed off to Sears.  
  
Kelly, Ashley, and Tamen tried on various dresses. Kelly bought a metallic cerulean blue dress. It was lit up in various places and seemed to change color with the light. Ashley purchased (or rather charged) a ruby red dress. Tamen charged a long twilight blue dress to Relena's account. Allison insisted upon buying a tuxedo with the guys.  
  
So, the next stop was American Commodore. Duo came out sporting the "rainbow" tux. He was quickly ushered back into the dressing room, and grumbling picked out a pure black one. Heero went in next, and got a snow white tuxedo with black cummerbund and bow tie. He looked decent. Quatre and Trowa went in next, and came out twenty minutes later, looking quite satisfied, but still in street clothes.  
  
"Um.... Quatre hon, you're still wearing jeans." Tamen objected.  
  
Trowa began to give her a death glare, reminiscent of Kelly and Heero. Tamen growled at him before he could even complete it. "Don't give me THAT, unibang. I'm pretty sure that Ashley has her scissors with her." Ashley waved, grinning like a psychotic three year old.  
  
Quatre turned around to go back in, and Trowa wanted to follow. Kelly grabbed his arm and whipped him back into place. "I think not, lover boy. You go in next."  
  
Allison went in after the couple had finally chosen their Tuxedos. She was also fitted into a black tuxedo, and looked like Duo's twin as she too wore all onyx.  
  
Wufei went last, and found that there were only two tuxedos left in his size. Duo's psychedelic rainbow tuxedo, and a dusty powder blue 1976 tux. He cringed at the thought of either, but, out of his sheer desire to retain some of his sanity, ended up in the powder blue tux.  
  
As he emerged, everyone busted out laughing.  
  
"I think my dad wore that to get married in!" Tamen said, trying to stifle giggles.  
  
Kelly and Ashley were on the ground, laughing hysterically, and of course, pointing.  
  
When they were finished, it was a quarter after seven. They dove into their respective cars, and floored it to the restaurant. As they rushed in, they were greeted by an obnoxious waiter, who seated them at the large "Reserved for Peacecraft" table.  
  
"Ow! Tamen! Are you wearing steel toed boots or what?" Wufei asked, as he mistakenly got in her way.  
  
"Combat boots. It was the only pair I brought!" She said, when she was greeted by inquisitive looks.  
  
"Call for Yuy!"  
  
Heero muttered "Dammit."  
  
"I'll get it." Kelly said. She jumped up from her seat next to Heero, and answered the phone.  
  
"Wassssssap?" She yelled into the receiver. There was a silence.  
  
"Um... who is this?"  
  
"Me."  
  
"Me who?"  
  
"Kelly!"  
  
At this point, Heero gave up and grabbed the phone.  
  
"Heeeeeeeroooo!"  
  
"Damn Relena! The whole restaurant can hear you!"  
  
"I'll be there in ten minutes. Bye love!"  
  
Heero shuddered. "Ewwww..."  
  
They all ordered their food, Ashley sticking to her usual salad and fruit punch kool-aid, Tamen ordering crab and orange soda, Kelly ordered spaghetti and Pepsi One, and Allison ordered ribs and "lettuce in a bowl" with Mountain Dew. Heero requested chicken on a bone with Pepsi, Wufei got rice and an egg roll ("I'm sticking with what I KNOW.") and herbal tea, Quatre ordered salad and roast beef with water, Trowa asked for steak and water, and Duo getting an "all-American hamburger" and fries. He suckered the waitress into giving him red wine by flirting extensively. Tamen looked rather jealous after his little excursion.  
  
Relena was late, and arrived after they all had their food. She ordered fish and sparkling white grape juice because she couldn't flirt with the waitress as well as Duo. Actually, the waitress was rather disgusted that Relena would even try to flirt with her. She looked for a place to sit. Ashley gladly gave up her seat between Allison and Duo. She couldn't take sitting next to them after they growled at her for reaching for the rolls. The table was set up next to a wall and Tamen had the head of it. On one side of the table sat Duo, Relena, Allison, Quatre, and Trowa next to the wall, in that order. The other side was as follows: Kelly, Heero, Ashley, and Wufei by the wall, in that order.  
  
Everybody was eating peacefully until Kelly started to spill all over the new dress that Relena had so graciously bought for her. Everybody but Kelly and Allison had managed to stay stain free up until now, so they got Allison and Kelly some bibs. Kelly's was faulty and she managed to spill all over herself anyway. She even managed to spill all over Heero, who seemed to catch most of the things he had spilled.  
  
"Ya know, you really shouldn't've gotten a white tux." Kelly explained while looking at all of the red spots she had gotten all over his shirt and pants from her spaghetti.  
  
"Thanks for the warning." Heero replied sarcastically.  
  
When dinner was finished, Relena said that she had to use the "little girl's room" before she left. As soon as she was out of sight, a loud "SCATTER" was heard from the Peacecraft table.  
  
"Don't worry about the bill," Kelly said, "Relena will be back soon, she'll pick up the tab." As she finished talking to the waitress, she bolted out the door, following the example of the others.  
  
When Relena returned from the bathroom, she found the table empty and a large white sheet of paper on the table, displaying the amount the meal had come to. For the first time in her life, she was actually angry with Heero.


	6. PART I ~ Chapter 5

Disclaimer: We do not own Gundam Wing, or anything associated with them (or anything else except for our cardboard box, and this trusty laptop, which we exchanged on the black market in exchange for a wombat toenail. We don't even own the socket that we plugged the laptop in, oh shit! The homeowner has retur- we must go! Quickly, to the Angel Mobile(cardboard box)!). We do, however, own the rights to the stories we concoct. And, being the creative and enlightened authors that we are, reserve the right to abuse all characters in our stories as we see fit, or at least to the fullest extent of the law. And no, this has nothing to do with Christmas.  
  
Five Gundam Guys, Four Easily Amused SPEDs, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Chapter 5  
  
Since the dinner had been so exhausting, everyone came home and went strait to bed. Of course, in the middle of the night, 3 o'clock to be exact, Kelly launched herself into the room, she thought to be Heero's and onto the bed to awaken him.  
  
She was a bit surprised when she found that it was none other than Duo, which she had mistakenly kneed in a very sensitive area. She just left him there groaning in pain and went across the hall to find the REAL reason she was up.  
  
Everyone, hearing the agonizing groans, had slowly made their way down to the second floor to find the cause. As they reached the second floor, they looked around it was coming from the second door on the right. Duo's room.  
  
Wufei slowly opened the door to find Duo in a fetal position shaking like he had been out in thirty degree weather all night wearing absolutely nothing.  
  
"Maybe he needs a doctor?"  
  
"Umm... how 'bout some ice."  
  
With that, Duo began to thrash around violently and then stopped.  
  
"We have a slight problem...."  
  
Half an hour later at the hospital  
  
"I never knew this kind of injury was possible, but I'm not surprised Kelly would be the one to inflict it."  
  
After they came home from the hospital and everyone was "awake", except a few people, *cough*TAMEN*cough*ALLISON*cough*PARTY POOPERS*cough cough*, they were sitting around the house, they had used up most of the entertainment that had been left around.  
  
"I wanna play volleyball." Ashley announced.  
  
"No." Kelly disagreed.  
  
"C'mon! Volleyball's fun!"  
  
"No it's not."  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"You can go play by yourself then."  
  
"Somebody will come with me."  
  
"Duo can't move, Trowa and Quatre are....busy....Allison and Tamen are sleeping, Wufei is...greasy, the ball would slide right off his hands, and Heero doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would want to play volleyball. Oh yeah, and I hate it."  
  
"Well aren't you just the big meanie today? Are you gonna be Ms. Grumpypants?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You weren't supposed to go with that answer, but.....okay, then what do you want to do Ms. spoilsport?"  
  
"I thought I was Ms. Grumpypants."  
  
"Wait a minute....go back...say that again?"  
  
"Nevermind."  
  
"Okay...."  
  
Twenty two minutes of silence later...  
  
"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE SOMEBODY FRIGGIN' TALK!"  
  
Kelly burst out laughing, "I knew that would irk you."  
  
Tamen, who had FINALLY found the time to pull herself out of bed, came down the stairs, and found that everyone else was up and had gone to sit in the living room. She walked in and took a seat.  
  
"Where's Duo?" was the first thing that came out of her mouth.  
  
"He's immobilized," Kelly replied.  
  
Tamen frowned and went to "check" on him. As she exited the room, Kelly made the comment everyone was thinking, "Get him while he's down."  
  
There was a chorus of laughter echoing through the halls, and most likely down the shoreline, too.  
  
Tamen made her way upstairs to the second floor. She walked down the hall to Duo's room to see if she could help with anything. She opened the door slowly, and peeked her head in.  
  
"Need anything, Duo?"  
  
"Ice," he grunted, eyes still closed tightly in pain.  
  
"Kay-kay, I'll be right back."  
  
Tamen went back downstairs and into the kitchen. She made Duo another ice pack and then went back upstairs. She walked into his room and tossed the ice pack towards him.  
  
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"  
  
"Oops. I guess I shouldn't've thrown it." Tamen whispered. "Bye for now."  
  
Most of the day passed without trouble, except the occasional shouts from Duo for help.  
  
Tamen had gone back into the room a while ago. At one point in time, Heero couldn't take the shouts anymore, and went up to yell at Tamen for all he was worth.  
  
"This is gonna be great." Kelly got up to follow.  
  
"You are so not leaving me here." Ashley replied and got up.  
  
"Zzzzz," Allison snored, not even attempting to move and waste the precious energy.  
  
As Heero cautiously opened the door, he saw Tamen attempting to "help him with the problem area."  
  
"Tamen, you're breaking him!" Kelly yelled, startling her and making her fall backwards onto the floor. She turned to holler at the intruders, but found herself at the end of a small pistol.  
  
"Hehehe... I was just trying to get him out of that fetal position." Time to go she thought, and made her way through the door.  
  
"Hey Duo! Look! Laxatives!" Ashley held up a small bottle  
  
Duo didn't move, he just sat there, eyes glazed over.  
  
"This isn't fun anymore," Ashley complained.  
  
"Where did you find those?"  
  
"Relena's bathroom," Ashley chided. Heero smirked, not a smile like everyone would have liked to see, but a smirk. _Blackmail._  
  
"Since when is Relena constipated?" Kelly asked.  
  
Meanwhile, Heero was going to go to Relena's room to see what else he could find.  
  
"Where ya going special buddy buddy?"  
  
Heero just walked away smirking.  
  
"Fine, I guess I'll just have to follow you."  
  
"Wait, you can't just leave me here," Ashley said.  
  
The three made their way down in the basement to Relena's room. Ashley so kindly pointed out the medicine cabinet where she found the laxatives. In the medicine cabinet and in her room, they found Preparation H, false teeth glue, Polident, more laxatives, anti-dandruff shampoo, maximum strength RID, Depends, condoms, several posters of Heero labeled "god", push-up bras, a vibrator, bloody razor, empty Tylenol bottles, birth control pills, a closet full of hooker clothes and lingerie, and a mini bar full of liqueur.  
  
"Damn. She thinks she's ninety," Kelly commented.  
  
"Her room could double as a pharmacy," Ashley marveled.  
  
"And an old people home," Kelly added.  
  
"Ooh, look at the conspicuously placed gargoyle!" Ashley exclaimed.  
  
The SPEDs have arrived! Kelly Allison, Tamen and Ashley, along with their nappy-haired "aquaintence" May, have come to spend some time at a beach house that happens to belong to Relena  
  
Ashley touched the gargoyle's head and the wall cleared away. Behind it, was a shrine dedicated to Heero complete with a map of where he had been, and pictures of everything that he did.  
  
"Ummm, Heero, I think you have a friendly neighborhood stalker," Kelly grinned.  
  
"Not for long," Heero grumbled while brining out a small package of explosives from wherever he keeps those things.  
  
"The house Heero, the house."  
  
"Damn."  
  
"I promise that we can have a big bonfire on the last day of our visit. You can burn whatever you want to of Relena's. K?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
The group went back upstairs, and finally began to notice what had actually been there all along.  
  
"Do you guys smell that?"  
  
Everyone sniffed the air and began to get weird looks on their faces.  
  
"Smells like something's rotting...."  
  
"Where the hell is it coming from?"  
  
They followed the distinct odor up the stairs. Next to the door, they found Wufei rocking back and forth, saying something they couldn't make out until they got closer.  
  
"Can't make me, can't make me."  
  
"Okay....."  
  
"It's coming from in there." Kelly said and pointed to the bathroom door.  
  
"Umm.... who actually WANTS to see what it is?"  
  
"I'll go," Kelly said with a smile on her face, "maybe I can dissect it!" She pushed open the door, only to find the bloody, mutilated corpse of May lying in the bathtub. The maggots had already gotten to it.  
  
"Time to go," Ashley said before making her way up to her room.  
  
"Stupid maggots, it'll be really hard to cut her open now, do you have any formaldehyde? And who's gonna help me drag her down to the kitchen?"  
  
"THE KITCHEN?!?!?!" Allison yelled, running down the stairs for the first time in years.  
  
"Okay, okay, the basement." Kelly muttered.  
  
Allison and Kelly made their way down to the basement dragging May behind them.  
  
"Can someone get my my tools?"  
  
"Tools?" Tamen asked, hiding her sculpting knives and such away from Kelly.  
  
"Yeah.... I'm gonna need some...." and she began to ramble off a list of what she'd need. When the night was over, May was in thirteen different pieces scattered across the basement floor.  
  
"Wow, Relena's gonna be so happy you redecorated her shrine."  
  
"Yeah, isn't that great?"  
  
"One question."  
  
"Yup!"  
  
"Who's gonna clean out the bathroom?"  
  
All was silent. No one wanted to enter the bathroom let alone clean it out. The smell was enough to knock out a sumo wrestler.  
  
"Wufei! Oh, there you are. You get to clean out the bathroom."  
  
He turned to run as far away as he could get, but was stopped when Heero grabbed him by his shirt and yanked him back towards the bathroom. "Bathroom or basement." He said.  
  
Wufei turned and walked into the bathroom. Ten minutes later, a thud was heard.  
  
"The smell got him," Kelly said.  
  
"Tamen, get your clay. Seal up the bathroom or something."  
  
"Okay!" She said, happy to have something to do.  
  
When they closed the door off with the clay, the smell was still penetrating the door. "I think you're gonna have to use some cement."  
  
"Hold on," Tamen said, rushing up to her room, and coming back minutes later with a bag of quick drying cement. She noticed the stares she was receiving. "What? And you don't keep bags of cement with you?"  
  
"No." Everyone said in unison. Tamen got a slightly sheepish look on her face and went back to work. That smell was getting on her nerves.  
  
Hours later, all the windows were open and the smell had finally left.  
  
"So what DID happen to her, Kelly?"  
  
"Well, first of all, she overdosed on the tylenol in the medicine cabinet. They didn't kick in fast enough for her so she slit her wrists with the razor blade that Wufei so conveniently supplied. Thank you Wufei."  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"Yeah, she was pregnant,"  
  
"Could you identify the father?"  
  
"Nopers, she wasn't far enough along."  
  
"Okay."


	7. PART II ~ Prologue

Disclaimer: We do not own Gundam Wing, or anything associated with them (or anything else except for our cardboard box, and this trusty laptop, which we exchanged on the black market in exchange for a wombat toenail. We don't even own the socket that we plugged the laptop in, oh shit! The homeowner has retur- we must go! Quickly, to the Angel Mobile(cardboard box)!). We do, however, own the rights to the stories we concoct. And, being the creative and enlightened authors that we are, reserve the right to abuse all characters in our stories as we see fit, or at least to the fullest extent of the law. And no, this has nothing to do with Christmas.  
  
Five Gundam Guys, Four Easily Amused SPEDs, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

PART II  
Prologue  
  
Two weeks after the "incident" with Duo, he could finally move again, and was attempting with all his might to kill Kelly.  
  
"Well I don't blame him, you prolly almost cost him his ability to father children," Tamen began.  
  
"Who wants little Duos running around?" Kelly inquired. "One's enough."  
  
Everyone looked to Tamen, who started to whistle a happy tune.  
  
"I think that I'm just gonna shut up for the time being," Kelly said.  
  
Duo came rushing into the room and started chasing Kelly around.  
  
"I said sorry, jeez."  
  
"Sorry's not enough. You almost killed me!"  
  
"Nuh uh! You were perfectly alive, just in pain! Lots of pain."  
  
"I'll get you for this! I promise."  
  
"Not if I get you first!"  
  
"This means war!"  
  
"Okay! I got Ashley!"  
  
"I have ideas," Ashley grinned.  
  
"You can have Tamen, all she does is sleep."  
  
"Oh come on! That's not ALL I do, but I need someone to be awake when I'm not."  
  
"Okay fine. I'm guessing Allison's neutral," They all looked over, Allison was passed out on the couch again.  
  
"Heero?" Duo said, "You're my friend so.." He was cut off as Heero started to talk.  
  
"Duo, you're going to lose. You're a moron. I'm going with them." he said pointing to the already plotting girls. Wufei came up behind him.  
  
"I'll help you defeat those weak onnas!"  
  
Everyone burst out laughing, except Heero, who of course smirked. Duo sighed, "This is gonna be a long, harsh war..."


	8. PART II ~ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We do not own Gundam Wing, or anything associated with them (or anything else except for our cardboard box, and this trusty laptop, which we exchanged on the black market in exchange for a wombat toenail. We don't even own the socket that we plugged the laptop in, oh shit! The homeowner has retur- we must go! Quickly, to the Angel Mobile(cardboard box)!). We do, however, own the rights to the stories we concoct. And, being the creative and enlightened authors that we are, reserve the right to abuse all characters in our stories as we see fit, or at least to the fullest extent of the law. And no, this has nothing to do with Christmas.  
  
Five Gundam Guys, Four Easily Amused SPEDs, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

PART II  
Chapter 1  
  
It was midnight. Duo had come up with his first plan. Of course, being the person that he was, thought that striking at night would work a lot better than in daylight, so he crept up to the room where all the girls had spent the night. He slowly pushed open the door, and found Tamen snoring the night away. Kelly looked like she was about to wake up and Ashley.....was sitting on the bed watching the door from where he had just emerged.  
  
"This is so not gonna work if you keep this up. I'm an insomniac brainiac! I don't sleep!"  
  
Disappointed, he turned and went back through the door, and back towards his room to try again. Back to the drawing board....  
  
In the morning....  
  
"I thought I heard something last night," Kelly said while pouring herself a bowl of cocoa puffs.  
  
"I didn't," Tamen said, pleased because she had gotten her full nights rest.  
  
"Duo thought it would be funny to start the prank war last night. It was pretty funny when he couldn't. He doesn't know I'm an insomniac. This is never gonna work for them."  
  
There was a large bowl of grease left from someone who had made bacon in the morning. "Oh look! Wufei finally wrung out his hair!" Ashley yelled, and went to get out something to put her cereal in, but noticed that all the bowls were gone, she looked back over at the grease, "RIGHT IN MY CEREAL BOWL." Defeated, she walked back up to her room, he would pay for this dearly.  
  
Soon enough, there was a meeting called for the newly assembled team.  
  
"You know what? They're calling themselves the big bad bad asses. Its more like big bad dumb asses." Kelly mused, starting off the meeting.  
  
"Yeah, I think we should have code names. Who wants to be Lilac1? That can be you Tamen. Kelly, what do you want to be?"  
  
"Superman"  
  
"What do you want to be Heero?" He was silent.  
  
"Okay, you can be....Lets go back...Tamen you can be that guy.....what's his name...nevermind, you can just be the flash! My spider senses are tingling...nevermind...you don't get it...before I confuse anyone else, lets just go by the planets. Kelly, Libra, Venus, Me, Cancer, Moon, Tamen, Capricorn, Saturn, Heero?"  
  
"Gemini." He stated  
  
"Heero, Gemini, Mercury. Now that that's settled.."  
  
"Which one are we gonna be called?"  
  
"Lets just go with the planets, they're easier,"  
  
"All right, so to start out I think we should....."


	9. PART II ~ Chapter 2

Part Two  
Chapter Two

After their first failed attempt, Duo and Wufei vowed to stay up until they thought of something that would work. They sat down and pondered weak spots, and finally came up with a plan. They rushed around the house, gathering everything they would need for the not-so-intricate-plan. Once everything had been assembled, they got dinner, and waited for everyone to go to sleep.

"Hey Wu-man, you think they're sleeping?"

"They should be... and don't call me Wu-man."

They grabbed what they'd need and slowly made their way down to Tamen's room. During their brainstorm, they had noted that Tamen slept quite heavily and decided to use this to their advantage. Duo snickered when he looked at the bottle in his hand. Indelible. He didn't know what that meant, but it couldn't be good. They finished the plan swiftly and without any problems... until Tamen woke up.

Tamen yawned and stretched her arms above her head. She walked over and sat down at the vanity in her room and picked up the hair brush. She started to move it through her hair, when she found that it was quite hard. Looking into the mirror, she saw that her hair, which used to be a strong electric blue, was now a just-as-strong-royal purple. She growled and stood up. They were going to pay for this.

She made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. When she entered, she saw Wufei and Duo stifling laughs. She calmed herself to the point where she could get to the other side of the room without throttling both of them, unless they decided to make a...

"What happened Tamen?" Wufei asked, trying to sound innocent. That did it. Tamen grabbed the nearest piece of silverware, which just happened to be a large wooden spoon, and beat Wufei over the head with it until he was unconscious.

"Do YOU want to try me?" She asked Duo, sounding extremely agitated. Duo quickly shook his head 'no' and then made his way out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room.

The rest of Tamen's day was used to peroxide out the purple, and replace it with it's original blue, but the others, were using this time to make additions and corrections to their plan.

Two-thirty in the morning

Since Ashley was up anyway, she decided to go see if everything would be fit to start prank one. She walked down the stairs, and down the hall. As she opened the door to Duo's room, she saw him and Wufei leaned up against the side wall. _They tried to stay up_ she thought to herself. They didn't seem to be moving, so she went back up the stairs and woke up Kelly and Heero, and ATTEMPTED to wake up Tamen. After several futile attempts, they left her to her sleep. She could hear about the triumph in the morning.

"Quickly. We must go now. Super glue?"

"Check"

"That's pretty much all we need for this one. If they try to get us back, we can bring out the big guns."

They all snuck down the hallway and back into the room. On their way down the hall, they found Tamen, who looked like she had been beaten. _I guess morning isn't her good time_...They took hold of her and dragged her down the hallway. As they opened the door, they found Wufei and Duo in the same positions as before.

"Begin."

The team worked fast, as to be out before they were noticed. The glue was poured onto Wufei's hand, and then, using much precision, the aforementioned hand was attached to Duo's newly unclothed rear, thanks to Tamen. They made sure everything would set for the morning, and left the room, satisfied with how well this war was going already. Tamen was the only one who had been hit, and that was to be expected.

They all went back into their rooms, Tamen, had just barely hit the bed, and she was asleep.

"She's worse than ALLISON!"

Ashley took Tamen's laptop and went back into her room to wait for the blood-curdling scream, that would happen only three hours later.

She was just about finished checking all the stories she had missed, when the scream was heard. _Duo's most-likely_ she thought to herself and went to wake the rest of the house so they could see how their workmanship paid off. Kelly in her room jumped out of bed the minute she heard the scream. She woke up to certain things, and this was one of them. Tamen even heard the scream and made her way to the room. As they all reached the partial opened door, they saw light spilling through it. They smirked and approached the door. As they entered, their smirks widened to smiles, and they burst out laughing. There was Duo dragging Wufei around the room squealing like a girl, and Wufei, trying to hold himself to a spot to get his hand off Duo's butt. Even Heero had to smile at the hilarious picture they made.

When Duo and Wufei heard the laughing, they turned to see everyone pointing and laughing like they hadn't laughed in years.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Duo shouted. That just made everyone laugh louder. Ashley brought out the camera and took a picture, pocketing it as soon as it started to show the site before them. Everyone left to leave Duo and Wufei alone to fix their problem, and do their own thing.

Later that night, Wufei and Duo came down. Wufei's hands were all red and Duo refused to sit down, even to eat dinner, he just walked around the table and picked up whatever sat in front of him, even if it were on someone else's plate. This got him bit a couple of times.

Duo was upstairs thinking about what else he could do to get back at Kelly. After several failed attempts, he reached a decision.

"Aww! Screw this! I give up!" he came down the stairs, heading towards the ground floor of the house. He entered the living room where everyone had gathered.

"Guys I-"

"Shhh-Buffy's on!" Came two chorused voices. They didn't even remove their eyes from the screen. Tamen looked over. She didn't mind missing Buffy for once, so she motioned for him to follow her to the kitchen where they could talk without hearing "shhhh" every three seconds.

They exited and sat down. Duo started, "About the prank war. I can't take any more like that last one," the thought of it made him visibly shudder. "That and I can't think of anything else to do, so I-" he was cut off as Ashley and Kelly walked into the room.

"What?"

"I give up okay?"

"Fine. Ruin my fun,"

"Wanna play tennis?" Tamen asked, hopeful. She knew that she was the only one who could play the game with some degree of correct-ness. All the others, or so she'd seen would either cheat or injure themselves or others.

"Sure!" Ashley said, glad to have something to do. Kelly nodded, as did Duo. Everyone else just kind of watched until Wufei came out.

"Maxwell, what are you doing with those weak onnas?" The teams thus far consisted of Ashley and Kelly against Tamen and Duo, and for Ashley and Kelly's skill level, which wasn't very high at all, they were faring pretty well, but to no one's surprise, Tamen's team was winning.

"I'm playing tennis Wu-man!"

"Don't call me Wu-man!"

"Fine," A smile crept upon his face. "Wanna play?" Wufei got a racket and got ready to hit the ball back across the net. As Tamen served, Ashley ran forward and swung the racket, effectively knocking the ball back over the net..... and hitting Wufei in the face. He was determined not to show pain, but damn, it hurt.

Ashley walked to the sidelines and put down the racket. "Sorry?"

"I think you broke him," Kelly said nonchalantly. Blood started to trickle from the corner of his mouth. Tamen sighed.

"It's back to the hospital we go,"

The car ride was short and silent, and when they finally got him to the hospital, he refused to let any of the "weak" doctors touch him.

"His jaw has been dislocated and....."

"Look what you did!"

"Uhhh... oops?"

"Maybe you should let me continue," the four shut up and waited for the doctor to continue. "and it has been broken in three places. We're putting a cast on now, and he wont be able to move his mouth for at least a few weeks." Duo jumped up.

"He wont be able to talk!"

"I suggest you buy him a marker board to write down requests. Also, he's going to have quite a headache when you leave, so I think you should keep him from loud noises or loud people," With that, two of the people in the room turned to look at Ashley. Upon seeing the looks coming from her comrades, she spoke.

"What?"

"If you don't know I'm not going to tell you," Tamen stated, and with that, they all piled back into the car and sped off, completely oblivious to the fact that Wufei was supposed to be coming home that night.


End file.
